I'm No Angel Chapter One

Told from Rosto’s point of view in Beka’s room about a year after the events in Terrier.

“Beka, I love you…more than any other mot I have ever known.” I don’t know why she won’t believe me. I promised to do so much for her. I have left Aniki, along with all the other mots I have been with, but she still won’t be with me.

“I know Rosto, you’ve told me this at least a hundred times, but…”

“But what…? I promise to do any thing you ask me, I have already left all my concubines for you, you are the only one I want now, why won’t you be with me?” She doesn’t know she’s breaking my heart? No, not breaking, smashing into a million pieces would be more accurate.

“It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just…”

“Just what…?”

“I am a Dog, and you are the King of the Rogue.”

“So…?”

No I'm no angel
No I'm no stranger to the street
I've got my label
So I won't crumble at your feet
And I know baby
So I've got scars upon my cheek
And I'm half crazy
Come on and love me baby

“Rosto, it could never work out, we are on opposite sides of the law.”

“But we could make it work!” I hold her hands in mine now. She is looking away as a blush creeps up her face. I put my hand under her chin and make her look into my eyes, as I stare into her breath-taking stormy gray-blue ones, the ones that others find so frightening.

“How Rosto? How could we possibly make this work? What if the day comes where I have to bring you in for something, I don’t think I could handle that.” She is beginning to tear up now.

“Beka…”

“What Rosto?” A single tear slides down her cheek.

“I would never put in that position Beka, I love you too much.” Why can’t she see that?”

“What do you mean you would never put me in that position? You are the king of the Rogue Rosto, you would be putting me in that position every single day! You lie, cheat, steal, and kill for a living…I mean, you had to kill someone just to get to be who you are! And then there’s my Ma…” She is beyond tearing up now; she is crying her eyes out. She lays her head on my shoulder, her shoulders trembling. I wrap my arms around her and rub my hand up and down her back, trying to calm her down. It hurts me so much to see her like this. I pick her up and we sit on her bed, with her in my lap.

No I'm no angel
No I'm no stranger to the dark
Let me rock your cradle
Let me start a fire with your spark
Oh come on baby
Come and let me show you my tattoo
Let me drive you crazy
Come on and love me baby

We sit like this on her bed, until she cries herself to sleep. What she was saying keeps playing in my head, “And then there’s my Ma…” what does her Ma have to do with any of this? Beka told she’s been dead sense she was eight. This whole thing is driving me crazy; I get up and look on her shelf to see if she has some sort of remedy for headaches. When her desk doesn’t yield any results, I try her desk drawers, again nothing…but, what’s this…I pick up a thick book from one of the drawers and open it to the first page. “The Journal of Rebakah Cooper”, it reads. I know it’s wrong, but if I read it, maybe it will give me some sort of clue as to what meant. I double check to make sure she is still asleep, she looks so beautiful and peaceful…she would kill me if she found out I did this, but I have to know!

So you don't give a darn about me
I never treat you bad
I won't ever lift a hand to hurt you
And I'll always leave you glad
So I might steal your diamonds
I'll bring you back some gold
I'm no angel.

I am about halfway through her journal, she never told me how rough her childhood was, and now I know what she meant about her ma. She was living with a rusher, a member of the Bold Brass gang. The bastard beat her ma when he found out she had the lung rot and took everything she had, and Beka chased him down at the age of eight. That’s why she became a Dog, that’s why she’s afraid to be with me…but she has to know that I would never do that to her. Of course she knows that, we’ve been through so much, but something in the back of her mind must remind her of that night whenever we are together; it would certainly explain what happened tonight.

The question now is: how can we be together, and how to convince her that it can work? There is no way she is giving up being a Dog, and I just can’t leave the Rogue, I’ve only been in charge for a year, and things are just now beginning to run smoothly in the Court. I just love her so much…

Well come on baby.
Drive me crazy.
Drive me crazy.
Come on baby.
Come on baby.
Oh come on baby.

You know what, forget the Rogue. I love her to much. I could resign and give the position to Aniki or someone. I won’t tell her just yet though; I’ll make sure that the transition happens without a hitch. Then I’ll tell her, and then at last we can be together. She’s beginning to stir. I put the journal exactly where I found it, and get up. Before I leave I leave a kiss on her forehead. When I do leave, I don’t make a sound. I go back to my room to plan my retirement.